Deborah Tannen

If women talk in ways expected of them or project a feminine demeanor, it's seen as weak. But if they talk in ways associated with men or bosses, then they're seen as too aggressive. Whatever they do violates one or the other expectation: either you're not talking as you should as a woman or as boss. ”

We all feel wistfulness or regret about roads not taken. ”

While the requirements of a good leader and a good man are similar, the requirements of a good leader and a good woman are mutually exclusive. A good leader must be tough, but a good woman must not be. A good woman must be self-deprecating, but a good leader must not be. ”

Many mothers or daughters assume that words only mean one thing. 'If I feel criticised, that has to be the whole story', and 'if I feel I am being helpful, that has to be the whole story'. ”

Sister relationships span a huge range, from best friends to worst enemies. From 'I adore her; I talk to her five times a day' to 'I decided to cut her out of my life.' For most women, it's in between. ”

When women told me they'd always wished they had a sister, they were thinking of this ideal of mutual encouragement and support. Many of those who have sisters also yearn for this ideal because their relationships with their sisters don't always live up to it. ”

I have two sisters; one is two years older, and one is eight years older. That helped me understand how completely different sister relationships can be. ”

I'm a linguist. I study how people talk to each other and how the ways we talk affect our relationships. ”

Relationships are made of talk - and talk is for girls and women. ”

For most women, the language of conversation is primarily a language of rapport: a way of establishing connections and negotiating relationships. ”