Colin Quinn

You can't make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody. ”

Marie Antoinette was funny, I'm sure she was just misinterpreted. You know the 'Let them eat cake' line. She seems like she was kind of funny, like a Chelsea Handler or Kathy Griffin type. ”

I get the impression the English kings were witty, for some reason. I feel like all you had was your wit. ”

The mistake that people make in stand-up is thinking they're profound or they're deep when there are so many people who have more worthwhile ways of phrasing things. ”

That's the beauty of being a comedian - it's the one job you're allowed to do that. We're lucky. We're really lucky. ”

I'm not a big method actor. I'm much more superficial. ”

I feel most empires fell when they started to act human, but then look at Russia. They kept a pretty strong hand, and they fell from Afghanistan alone because Afghanistan is the graveyard of empires. I guess you just can't sustain it. ”

Humanity is a crazy contradiction. I accept us for who we are. We're not that great. Every time we take a step forward we go back to the same primitive behavior. We're meant to be this way. It's not our fault, it's just who we are. ”

I would say most comedians have a very cynical worldview of the way the world can work. It's almost like if you didn't, you couldn't be a comedian. ”

I think if you try to tailor your act to anybody, you end up with an act that doesn't work anyway. ”