Calvin Trillin

We all know funny people who can't get it down on the page - even funny writers who can't get it down on the page. ”

Canadians are very well behaved, they don't throw their food. ”

You know, I used to say, when people say, 'How do you think about what to write about in the poems every week?' And I say, 'Well, I have to turn it in on Monday, so on Sunday nights I turn the shower to iambic pentameter and it sort of works out that way.' ”

I never did very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally. ”

As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler. ”

When it comes to rapacious 19th century capitalism, my family's hands are clean. ”

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. ”

The question about those aromatic advertisements that perfume companies are having stitched into magazines these days is this: under the freedoms guaranteed by the First Amendment, is smelling up the place a constitutionally protected form of expression? ”