Bill Bailey

I said to my wife that if I had enough money I'd have my arms lengthened. Slightly longer arms would be great. ”

I hate all those celebrity sculptures like Tussauds, where everyone is dressed in spangly suits and they are all smiling. ”

I don't like labels. I have always fought against that as a stand-up. ”

I've started doing Bikram yoga. You're in a boiling hot room, bending over pretending to be a locust, you can't do that at the gym. ”

I quite like confounding people's expectations. ”

You have to have a thick skin, yes. If you're going to do something as foolhardy as standup, you've got to be able to take it on the chin if someone has a go at you. ”

I used to live on a houseboat near Hammersmith Bridge. ”

For me, audio books was about when you can't actually physically get hold of a book, like when you're driving. It's a fantastic companion on a long journey. ”

I prefer the simple things and I love walking in the countryside, or going camping... but simplicity is hard. It's easier to over-complicate things. ”

There was something about stand-up that music wouldn't give me, which was my love of the spoken word and the mercurial tendency of language to respond to what happens to you. ”