Arthur Smith

Acting is the most demanding, painful job in the world. ”

When they meet a stand-up comic, people sometimes remark: 'That must be the hardest job in the world.' Among comedians, only Freddie Starr is not embarrassed and slightly appalled by this remark. ”

It is more interesting to be compared to someone famous, because it lets you gauge what perceptions people have about your appearance. ”

Obviously I am not bothered about men's fashion - is anyone, apart from Jonathan Ross? ”

An uninspiring canvas becomes a glamorous masterpiece when it is reattributed to a better-known artist. ”

It is London fashion week, and once again I haven't been invited to any shows. This is upsetting given my well-known love of fashion, or, as I think of it, playing with the dressing-up box. ”

I've been trekking the hills and lanes of the British countryside for nearly four decades now and I've come to associate my passion with overexcited poets rather than pampered painters. ”

I see my large nose, like half an avocado. I broke it falling downstairs when I was six, and it now resembles a large blob of play-dough. ”

Reading the play at home, however fulfilling, can never be the vivacious experience that Shakespeare intended. ”

If you want to write something of length, however modern and radical, you must live the life of an elderly gentleman of the 1950s. ”