Art Buchwald

I was put on earth to make people laugh. ”

Men and women cannot live by bread alone. They must also tinkle. Show me someone who has no trouble tinkling, and I will show you a happy and rich person. ”

A humorist has to be taken seriously before he's considered a real writer. ”

The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water. ”

I found out I'd spent my whole life believing things that weren't necessarily accurate. My sisters' memories of certain events are entirely different from mine. ”

Becoming eighty is a matter of life or death. I chose life. It is a much better position to be in, and it's easier on your back. ”

Unless they've had some experience with it, the hospice is still a mystery to most people. Because hospice deals with death, people tend not to talk about it. ”

Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven't been taxed before. ”

You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it. ”

I've known Don since he came to Washington. When he first came to work for George W. Bush, he was a different Don Rumsfeld. He was jolly, full of life, and ready to go to war, but only if we could win. ”