Andy Kindler

I even get tired performing standup, which is normally a low-impact exercise in futility but looks hard the way I do it. That's why I take a lot of breaks, often stopping in the middle of a joke to catch my breath, or blame the crowd for not laughing before the punchline. ”

If everything was good, maybe I wouldn't have a career. I wouldn't have anything to make fun of. ”

I feel completely fearless when I'm on stage. And also totally fearful. There's the fear that I'm not making a very smart career move sometimes, but there's the stronger belief that these things need to be said. ”

My goal isn't to wake up in the morning and hurt people's feelings. ”

My goal is to be exactly how I am offstage - although I realize I'm supposed to punctuate it with jokes. ”

I'm still doing what I've always wanted to do, and how big it gets or how much money I make for it or how popular I am in the public's eye is really not that important, even though it's hard to let that go. ”

I would like Albert Brooks to have received the Oscars for best actor, best director and best screenplay for 'Modern Romance.' I love that movie. ”

I don't know what Tracy Morgan does onstage, but I can assure you, it's no act. ”

I'm tired of demographic appeal being more important than talent. I want to fight against that. ”

I don't hate Dane Cook, but I am trying to go after people I think are capable of more. ”