Amy Schumer

I have a healthy relationship with food. My problem is, as a comic, I eat dinner late. But I'll have a smoothie for breakfast every morning, and I keep it pretty low-carb and healthy during the day. At night, I'll have a basic protein, quinoa, and vegetables. ”

I love standing at a microphone and making a room of people laugh. That's the part of the work I love; everything else is extraneous. ”

I love watching TV. ”

I think you can go from being not very funny to working really hard for 10 years and figuring out how to make a living on the road, but I don't think you can rise much above that. ”

It's not hard for me to be funny. But it's really hard. I don't think a lot of people are funny. I meet a lot of people, and most of them aren't funny. ”

A big part of becoming a funny person was a major defense mechanism. Onstage, especially as a woman, I've had to be really tough. The second you show a crack, the audience can literally leave. ”

I just say what I think is the funniest thing I could say. I'm not trying to make headlines. I'm just trying to say the stuff that I think is funny and will make people laugh. ”

I've always been really dark, and drawn to darker humor. Nothing has been forced, and I don't say anything for shock value. ”

I think of myself as a fairly attractive girl and always have, thanks to my mom. I was brought into this world thinking I was gorgeous because my mother was extremely devoted to this notion. ”

Happiness can't start with external stuff, whether that's money or success or your body. ”