Allan Carr

If you go on stage with the wrong attitude, or something in your performance is off, you can lose an audience in the first minute. That first minute is crucial. ”

I went to Montreal. My first gig went very badly. They just weren't laughing at anything. I found out they were a load of Christians, and it was a gig to raise money for a new church roof. ”

I think over there in Montreal they're a bit hardcore with the old homos. They're not that keen on them. ”

I still get excited about meeting celebrities, because I don't think I'm a celebrity myself. ”

I haven't really got much get up and go. I can't believe I'm on the telly. I'm so lazy. ”

I like old people falling over, that's what makes me laugh. ”

I'd love to do acting, but it'd definitely have to be comedy. I can't do serious. It's completely beyond me. ”

I was quite pleased that Prince Philip didn't say anything like, I hate queers! He was quite well behaved. ”

I was at college doing performing arts, and just spending all my time mucking about, and the lecturers thought I would be pretty good at stand-up, so I gave it a whirl. ”

A lot of comedians, when they have a bad gig, will blame everything but themselves. They'll blame the crowd, or the room was wrong, it had a weird vibe, or the promoter promoted a weird atmosphere. ”