Alexei Sayle

Most of my friends are women - I quite fancied being a woman in a way. ”

Dire Straits is a great band. Someone tells you they like 'Brothers in Arms' and immediately you know they're a stupid annoying git. ”

I feel really ambiguous about the psychology of people trying to do good in the world. ”

A lot of those comics can't hold down relationships and they've got no other life apart from performing. They sleep in their Jags and a lot of them can't even talk. All they can do is tell gags. ”

I don't think I'd ever get thin, but I don't see why I should necessarily think that I couldn't... You can't live your life for your routines. ”

I like the south of Spain, notably for the Moorish influence and the weather. ”

It seems easier to make a career out of comedy now than it was in the 1980s. ”

I'm fascinated by comedy. ”

You can't do comedy with a beard. ”

If I won the lottery I'd start a charity that helped little family hardware stores, cobblers and fruit shops open in city centres. ”