Showing 10 of 31 quotes
There's not one thing that inspires me the most. Me and my friends joke around with each other and hang out so much that whatever makes us laugh really hard makes it into 'Workaholics.' But the characters that I think are funny are guys that are confidently stupid. ”
My senior year of high school, I got into UCLA, but my family couldn't afford it. ”
Some celebrities like to get behind water conservation or helping the homeless get back on their feet. Me? Body grooming control: that's what I like to step behind 100 percent. ”
I'm such a huge 'Arrested Development' fan. ”
Be yourself. I had this three-week period where I wore this straw fedora. I thought it was what chicks wanted. And then it dawned on me that I was trying to be something that I wasn't, so I took the fedora off. So be yourself. ”
I did telemarketing for years, starting at the age of 16, just selling steak knives to old people. Old people go through a weird amount of steak knives. I also sold straight meat over the telephone. ”
My favorite sequels are basically all Mike Myers films - 'Wayne's World 2,' 'Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me,' 'Shrek 2.' Anything he does, it's best the second time around. He needs to do 'So I Married an Axe Murderer 2.' ”
People want to be friends with someone who likes to have a good time. ”
The American school system's a little warped, so anyone can get a degree if they have a little money. ”
I don't really write jokes down. I tend to have a premise that I work out and test on stage. ”