Alana Stewart

I wish I had been a better mother and a more compassionate and understanding wife in both of my marriages.

I've elected to age gracefully.

Somewhere deep inside me was the will and determination not only to live, but to be a more present mother for my kids, instead of one who was emotionally unavailable because she was in so much pain, as my own mother was.

Being friends with anyone for 30 years is no easy task - people change, they drift apart, they move on.

I went to one doctor who told me I wasn't exercising enough. I was so exhausted, I couldn't raise my arm. When this doctor called it psychosomatic, I was enraged. To think the constant sore throat and swollen glands were all in my head was infuriating.

I first got sick after I had my daughter, Kimberly, 21 years ago. I'd always been energetic and never had any serious medical problems. Then I got very sick with a high fever. They told me I had mononucleosis. I became pregnant right away with Sean, and after he was born, I never seemed to recover.

I don't mind being single. In fact, I like it.

I grew up poor and used to look at people in big houses and thought they had everything. Then later on I looked at models in magazines and thought they had it all.

I'm not searching for that magical Daddy, but I would like to find a partner in life, because I feel like finally I know what love is and what love isn't.

At the end of the day, I know that I would rather be alone and occasionally lonely and unhappy than in a miserable marriage and lonely and unhappy all the time. I don't mind being single. In fact, I like it.

One hopes, of course, that a relationship grows and becomes a deep and wonderful marriage and friendship that lasts forever. But that's not always the case.

I don't regret either of my marriages - not for a minute.