Billy Connolly

I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

Once you become successful, people know where you live, the type of house you live in, the kind of car you drive, the clothes you wear, and so it would be patronising to go and talk like a welder. Welding's a mystery to me now. You can't go back, your life changes every day.

I still do my comedy and my performance stuff and my acting so it's not all-consuming. But I do find myself drawing more and more these days.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I've done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that's mostly what I'm offered.

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

Heckling is an act of cowardice. If you want to speak, get up in front of the microphone and speak, don't sit in the dark hiding. It's easy to hide and shout and waste people's time.

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.