Thomas Love Peacock

Not drunk is he who from the floor - Can rise alone and still drink more; But drunk is They, who prostrate lies, Without the power to drink or rise.

There are two reasons for drinking: one is, when you are thirsty, to cure it; the other, when you are not thirsty, to prevent it.

I never failed to convince an audience that the best thing they could do was to go away.

Marriage may often be a stormy lake, but celibacy is almost always a muddy horse pond.

I almost think it is the ultimate destiny of science to exterminate the human race.