Paula Poundstone

I have a horrible memory and I used to consider that a liability, but I've learned along the way that talking to people is really a beautiful thing.

I also like a great Caesar salad with anchovies, although I don't know why some places say 'with anchovies.' If you're making a proper Caesar salad, it's going to have anchovies.

I was the youngest in my family. When the other kids went to school, my mother would make them breakfast and then she would go back to bed for an hour, so I was sort of babysat by television.

I was diagnosed a number of years ago with obsessive-compulsive disorder - which everyone has, to some degree - and I have this really annoying trait where in conversation, I always steer it back to something that happened to me.

Once I was gone for a month and I was just miserable, so I flew back from Florida for two hours just to be home and see my cats.

I get the first flight out from anywhere I am because I have to come home to my kids.

Adults are always asking kids what they want to be when they grow up because they are looking for ideas.

I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.

I have jokes I've told before and will tell again, but my favorite part of the night is talking to the crowd.

I can make things, but I don't cook them, exactly. Like salmon, I can stick that in a pan. Or the other day I made noodles, but they were hard. It never occurred to me to check them; I just stopped cooking them when I felt they were ready. Really, I'm too absentminded.

I love talking to the audience, and I must be the luckiest performer in the world. I always land something or somebody that just takes off.

I love key lime pie, although it's never made the proper way.