Andy Kindler

I even get tired performing standup, which is normally a low-impact exercise in futility but looks hard the way I do it. That's why I take a lot of breaks, often stopping in the middle of a joke to catch my breath, or blame the crowd for not laughing before the punchline.

If everything was good, maybe I wouldn't have a career. I wouldn't have anything to make fun of.

I feel completely fearless when I'm on stage. And also totally fearful. There's the fear that I'm not making a very smart career move sometimes, but there's the stronger belief that these things need to be said.

My goal isn't to wake up in the morning and hurt people's feelings.

My goal is to be exactly how I am offstage - although I realize I'm supposed to punctuate it with jokes.

I'm still doing what I've always wanted to do, and how big it gets or how much money I make for it or how popular I am in the public's eye is really not that important, even though it's hard to let that go.

I would like Albert Brooks to have received the Oscars for best actor, best director and best screenplay for 'Modern Romance.' I love that movie.

I don't know what Tracy Morgan does onstage, but I can assure you, it's no act.

I'm tired of demographic appeal being more important than talent. I want to fight against that.

I don't hate Dane Cook, but I am trying to go after people I think are capable of more.

I did not sell Amway, but I sold Shaklee, which was an Amway-type product sold through multi-level marketing.

My favorite comedians are basically themselves onstage.